The last hurrah

I have just a few sessions left for my English 2 class. This was my first semester back to school in...15 years (that hurt.) Our final 16 page paper is due on December 8th. Spring semester begins in January. I'm having a hard time deciding what I want to be when I grow up...STILL! I go back and forth debating on whether I should puruse a degree in Human Resources or something completely different. I definitely want 'that piece of paper' but I feel like I'm still a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.

I have debated between majoring in spanish, business or something completely different. I feel like my life is about to change in a good way. I'm just waiting to see what's in store for me. It's exciting and nerve-racking all at once. I know it'll work out, I'm just trying to be patient about it.

Grateful

I feel fortunate for the things I have and I wanted to jot down some things I'm grateful for.

1. I'm grateful to be alive
2. I'm grateful for a wonderful, loving and supportive husband
3. I'm grateful for an amazing family
4. I'm grateful for the gift of friendship, and the awesome friends in my life
5. I'm grateful to have a roof over my head
6. I'm grateful to be able to share the gift of laughter with the ones I love
7. I'm grateful for the gift of patience
8. I'm grateful that our animals wake us up in the middle of the night, it reminds us that someone is dependent on us
9. I'm grateful for the creative jeans that I have inherited
10. I'm grateful that we can give to those less fortunate
11. I'm grateful to live in this amazing country
12. I'm grateful for the obstacles that life throws at me
13. I'm grateful for the support and love I receive every day
14. I'm grateful that things don't work out the way they're supposed to

What are you grateful for?

Dibble dabble

Over the last couple of months, I've been making jewelry. Some of my friends and family have been the recipients of some 'market test' earrings. I really enjoy making them and it's another way for me to express myself. I can now make a pair of earrings to match any of my outfits-and I think that's pretty cool. =) I have posted just a few of the hundreds I've already made. (Okay, hundreds is probably exaggerating, but at least 150 pair...Enjoy!

A Hairy Houdini

Charlie has had his first taste outside the confines of our yard. Yesterday afternoon, I was calling him to the door for a snack and he was nowhere to be found. I searched one side of our fenced yard and he wasn't where he normally was. When I got to the other side where I was sure he would be...there he was-OUTSIDE THE FENCE. He looked at me as if to say "well, aren't you going to come and get me?" So I picked him up up and brought him inside.

I kept him inside for most of the evening. I let him him out to go to the bathroom and literally not 5 minutes later, I hear this barking at our front door. You guessed it...POOF! There he was-magically not in the back yard anymore.

Jason got up the next morning and thought that taking him for an early morning walk would be helpful. He was gone for awhile and again, after the walk, gave Charlie some water outside. Jason was making himself some breakfast and went to get Charlie back indoors...AHA! Fooled you again humans! He had jumped the fence and was barking at us at our front door.

We have a 4 month old escape artist. I am going to Home Depot today to get some extended fencing so our little magician can practice some tricks like sit, stay and no biting!

Now to get the incessant humping to stop...

Research and homework

So here I am doing everything I can to not do my research paper. It's on an interesting topic-puppy training. I have to do my works cited and quotes section. I have to gather 40-60 quotes by Monday. I have 5. YAY! I'd rather clean the litter box than do that right now. I'm finding that I work best under pressure-that's when my creative juices really flow! Since I've been 'doing homework' today, I've made 2 necklaces. Shows you where my priorities are. I'll get there.

Today Jason is off of work so we went out for lunch, drove to get coffee and got our pumpkins. They're HUGE (that's what...oh nevermind.) So, we're gearing up for a great weekend. The weather is brisk-fall is definitely here.

Happy Friday!!

Down for the count

The other day I decided to take Charlie for a walk and he's still learning what to do and how to do it...so I take him out the front door and he does this thing where he loves to walk behind me and in front of me quickly. So, I hurry up and switch the leash to the opposite hand so I won't be tripped.

Well-we head out the front door, he does his 1-2-switcheroo and before I know it, he clotheslines my feet and I fall FLAT on the front lawn. Of course this is the day that the neighbors are out doing yard work and such. I yell out "DAMMIT!" and of course he is loving it, licking me and barking like crazy.

I pick up myself and my dignity and we go about our walk.

The neighbors must think I am an early evening drinker. *gulp*

Guess who's back

Well well, here I find myself wanting to blog again and feeling like I need an outlet to express myself. I started taking some courses at the local community college. I am taking just one class, English 122. I am hoping to finish my Associates degree and continue on to get my bachelor's. I thought I'd want to pursue something in Human Resources but a life event recently has shaken up my snow globe. So, the English class along with this blog will hopefully help me to un-cork the writer within. I won't make promises I can't keep by saying things like "I'll write soon" or anything in that regard...I'll just let you peruse this blog at your leisure.

Monday Monday

So now that I have put my blog out there again for the world to see, I thought I would write something today...how appropriate huh? The holidays were a whirlwind, the winter still hasn't left yet, as it snowed today...that was bizarre! So, now it's April. I can't believe how fast the year has gone by and every year I have goals that I can never seem to reach. I start out with so much ambition and drive then by February it's pretty much gone.

I hope you enjoy reading, I'll make it a point to blog more regularly-PROMISE!

Happy reading!

Thanksgiving weekend

Hi there! I know it's been an even longer time than the last since I've written. Jason & I decided to host Thanksgiving at our home this year. For those of you who don't know, I have a small phobia of raw meat. So thawing, and de-necking and de-gibbleting the turkey were not on the top of my list to do. I DID IT! I successfully cooked a 21 lb turkey and all of the sides. I'm gaining more confidence and not gagging as much.

Jason & I went shopping the day after Thanksgiving. It's very exciting to know that the holidays are upon us.

Wishing you all the magic of the season. I'm off to put up the yard ornaments and decorate the inside of our home to look as though an elf threw up all over our house.

xoxo

Fall colds and laptops

Well here I am again apologizing for not writing lately. I am alive in case anyone was wondering...just kidding. Another surprise, I haven't peed my pants today! :D I have managed to catch a cold, the weather here has been so completely backwards, it's unbelievable! One day its 45 degrees when you go to work, the next day, it's 90. So now I have this raspy (not sexy at all) voice and an enormous case of the sniffles. I've almost lost my voice (good or bad, you decide).

I just got a new laptop today, so that means no more arm wresting Jason to use his computer or watiting for the old one I had to boot up. Other than that, not much is going on. I hope everyone is doing well...Happy Fall Y'all!

Pee pants

Hey everyone, I know it's been awhile since I've posted, but quite honestly, nothing exciting has happened. Here's a little something for you. It's Monday afternoon, I'm at work drinking a ton of water because it's hot and I'm trying to stay hydrated. I notice I'm going to the bathroom quite often and it's a little painful, but really don't think anything of it. So, I leave at4pm, I go to the bathroom 1 last time before I leave, because I have to stop at the store to get a few things.

I go to the store, about 10 minutes from work. I grab a shopping cart and head to the back of the store for some milk. I have that uncontrollable urge to urinate again, (here comes the good stuff). So, I am heading up to the front of the store and all of a sudden BAAM! I feel myself urinating. Yes, you read it correctly. So, I'm wearing dark corduroy, luckily because it was a rainy day about 63 degrees. I am trying to stop this urgent, uncontrollable flow of fluid, but it doesn't happen.

I head to the bathroom and have the most unbelievable pain in my back and bladder. I drive home telling Jason through the tears of my unfortunate accident. It gets worse; when I go home, I'm using the bathroom every 5 minutes-literally. Within about a 1/2 hour of me getting home, it turns out to be much worse.

We go to the ER because I'm totally freaked out, and in an incredible amount of pain, wait 2 1/2 hours for them to tell me that I have a bladder & kidney infection. I've never had one before and I never want one again!!

I'm on medicine now and feeling ok, it feels like my kidneys are rocks in my back, but I'm slowly feeling better. If you've seen Talladega nights, there is a part where Ricky Bobby's son says he peed his pants all day and he "sat all day in his pee pants". I feel humiliated and sad all at the same time, but I knew posting it here would help and give you a good laugh. Enjoy.

Speaking of steaming hot poo...

This is so nasty, I can't even talk about it without wanting to dry-heave. My best friend Jennifer and her husband Bill just had a baby girl about 6 weeks ago. She is the sweetest thing, rainbows, puppies & butterflies, the whole 9 yards...never does a thing wrong.

Jennifer called me at work to tell me this story (before lunch...lucky me)!

Bill was home today and decided to change sweet little innocent Clara's messy diaper. Bill was trying to get all of poo out of her crevices (you get the picture). He went so far as to put his head down near her exit hole Clara has been having trouble going #2 lately as a side note...and Clara decided at that moment to drop the bomb...LITERALLY.

A shart (you think you're going to fart & it's sh*t instead) came out of that little girl's bum and it landed right on her dear daddy's face. From what Jennifer said, Bill had green poo all over his face.

Jennifer said she was laughing so hard and Bill is the kind of guy who doesn't like to have anything on his face/hands, so you KNOW he was freaking out. Bill immediately started dry-heaving, Jennifer didn't capture it on film (thank goodness), but I thought it was quite funny and wanted to share it with all of you.

I know that there is no amount of soap or water that would get that shart smell off of me. I'd have to soak myself in gasoline & bleach to get that funk off.

Lesson learned here kids: NEVER EVER EVER under any circumstances put your face near a baby's bum-they're loaded!!!

Funny things I've seen

This first one isn't really 'funny', it's more gross than anything. In our bedroom at night, the cats like to get up in the windows and look out. We sleep with our windows open. It was a weekday, I got up at 5am for work and as I stood up out of bed to turn the lamp on, I noticed a nicely placed pile of vomit. Indeed-it was vomit, placed in this perfectly lined out fashion on the window sill. I knew which cat did it too, I'm surprised it wasn't in my pillow or something. Some days I swear they're out to get me.

On Saturday, I was driving to get a manicure/pedicure and as I was stopped at a light near our house, I notice that there is a guy on a motorcycle on a bike (one of those crotchrockets where they lean forward when they ride it), the funny thing is he had his friend (not boyfriend) on the back. They were slowing down to turn and the passenger on the back was embarrassed (you could tell) because he was sitting up and had his hands on the driver's hips. I don't know...I thought it was silly-if you're that embarrassed then take a pass on riding a crotchrocket with your best friend you know?!

Anyhoo, not much is going on with me since I'm posting about cat vomit & men riding motorcycles. Hope everyone is doing well.

Peace!

Home invasion

Jason & I were sound asleep this morning (as people typically are). We usually get up at 4:30am to go to the gym. I had gotten up at about 4 to hit snooze on my alarm. About 15 minutes later, I heard a commotion in the livingroom. I opened my eyes and saw that our livingroom light was on. It wasn't on before, the hair on the back of my neck was beginning to raise up. We decided to leave our livingroom windows open because of the heat to cool things off.

So I nudge Jason and tell him that someone was in our house because the lights were on...I was convinced it was because we left those damn windows open. Jason wakes up from his very deep sleep and heads out into the livingroom. I was left in the bedroom to find something to beat this perpitrator over the head with...all I had in sight was my alarm clock, and a shoe.

I didn't take anything with me, I figured seeing me that early in the morning would be scary enough. I tiptoe into the livingroom and both cats are standing DIRECTLY up against the front door looking up at the ceiling looking at...a moth. This thing was the size of a monarch butterfly!

Chip had apparently jumped up high enough to hit the light switch and flick the light on. I was so fired up I began yelling at them telling them "how dare you" and "bad kitties". How dare they chase a moth. I'll tell you that my heart rate was high enough that I didn't have to work out so hard this morning.

I'll tell you one thing it's a terrifying thing to wake up thinking someone is in your house. I don't know what I would have done. It's a good thing I'm so "dead sexy" when I wake up.

Giving your spouse a haircut

This is the most unbelievable thing I've done. I feel horrible. I have been cutting Jason's hair with clippers since we've been dating. He just buzzes it, always has. So routinely, once every few weeks, he asks me to cut his hair. He pulls a chair into the kitchen, plugs in the clippers, makes sure he has the right setting and I go to it. This time was no different as I got started. I start buzzing always at the back of the head, just as I did, the clippers made a weird sound, the attachment that determines the length of my poor husband's hair fell to the ground. I gasp "Oh good Lord", Jason's hand immediately gravitates to the area where I'm cutting. I tell him..."there's a bald spot...BALD SPOT!" He tells me that I'm lying, and I am holding back SEVERE laughter. I start apologizing profusely and he keeps telling me I'm lying.

I finally convince him I'm serious and I continue cutting with a shorter blade. As I'm cutting I'm noticing it's not so bad, "we'll just go really short" I say to him lovingly. He says he doesn't want to go shorter than it already is. So, I finish up and Jason walks into the bathroom to get a closer look. As he's walking away I'm really convinced it's not that bad and decide to tell him that. As he gets into the dining room, I yell out "Hey honey, it IS that bad, it's pretty noticeable."

The picture you're looking at is the end product. It looks like a 4 year old gave him a haircut. Sadly, the 4 year old is his wife. This happened on Saturday evening. We were discussing ways of him to hide it. I tell him to wear a hat to work, or to call in. He decides to brave going to work-sans hat. I'm really not comfortable cutting his hair or any one's hair for that matter. I mean, I don't let him cut my hair---NO WAY! So the lesson is here kids, unless you want this to happen to you, do not let me near your hair with scissors, a razor, clippers, knife or anything else. Jason had to be made an example of. Poor thing.

Fond memories

I know some of you may find this picture offensive, don't worry, it's ok. There is a great story behind it. It was Christmas 2006, at work we decided to have a white elephant gift exchange, we could not spend more than $10.00. The director of our department was going on and on about how she got such a 'great' gift. Everyone in our department had purchased their gift and was ready for the exchange.

I had decided to make my gift. I painted some ornaments, a picture frame, got a few Christmas related items and made a few other cute things. I even painted the bag I put the items in. I was one of the first ones to get to open a present. There was this present that was in a big box, I thought 'sweet' I've got a good one here. The people before me had gotten some pretty good gifts, so I thought I was in for something good.

I rip off the paper, the item for my exchange was in a cuisinart box. The director automatically says to me 'don't think you're getting one of those, this is a true white elephant gift'. 'Great, I thought.' The item was wrapped in tissue paper. I carefully take off the paper and pull out an item you could have used in sexual harassment training.

This hideous atrocity was now mine...all mine. If you know the rules of the white elephant gift exchange, you know that the next person gets to choose any gift that has already been opened, or open a new one. Why in the world didn't I do that you ask? Cuz I'm an idiot and I really trusted the purity of white elephant.

As other people are opening their gifts picture frames, starbucks giftcards, santas...I'm staring at my clown hand that looks like it's giving someone a hand job. There is nothing I could say to get anyone to trade me, as we near towards the end, the director who gave me this hideous thing trades her gift and ends up with the gift I made. Coming back to her seat all proud, she tells me how much she likes the things I've made and why didn't I like hers? Is she serious? The director is a great person, so funny. There wasn't anything I could say...I was speechless. We had talked about putting "Clownie" (as I have affectionately named this this thing) on my desk with a banana in it, I mean it's offensive no matter how you look at it. Good lord!

The whole point of this story is at work I'm moving offices and I came across clownie and it brought back some great memories. I really do like the director, she's great and has become a really good friend, one I know I'll have for life.

So now this has made me think of the true meanining of white elephant, and it's to totally screw one person in the bunch, the person who makes a great, homemade, heartfelt gift. Little does she know that payback sucks and clownie may be making the rounds this Christmas.

Am I sweating profusely or is it raining?

It is ridiculously hot outside today. There's nothing like waking up and your head is wet from sweat. I thought I was having a nightmare and sweating. Turns out I was just sweating because it was 200 degrees in our bedroom. This morning, I got up to run some errands at 7:15a.m. and the thermometer said it was 86 degrees. I had heard on the news yesterday that we were going to have 'record heat' today. Living in a home with no air conditioning is ok...until Colorado produces weather like this.

The cats look at us like we have lost our mind keeping them alive in this heat. Belle has long hair and it is everywhere...I mean everywhere. I went to put on chapstick today and as I spread that moisturizing goodness over my lips, I pulled out a hair as long as my arm from my mouth and lips.

Jason & I have been spending all of our 'awake' time in the basement where I swear it is like 20 degrees cooler. So that is where I have to come...to our blog page to vent to you. You who probably sit in air conditioning and snicker at me. Ok-don't be mad, it's the heat. I was just kidding. I'm glad you're so cool, good for you!

I hope you all sleep well tonight...nice and cool. :o) Peace out homies.

Now...we wait

Today, I ran out first thing this morning to get all of the 'de-skunking' supplies. I came back home, cut the rags into strips, and tied into knots, soaked them in ammonia (non scented of course) and put them into gallon Ziploc bags with holes poked in the bags. I had Jason help me put them next to the vermin hole (because I am terrified of those little suckers like you wouldn't believe)!

Then we wrapped the bags in twine and secured them to the stake. The ammonia about asphyxiated us both, so we're hoping that Madame Skunky & her clan will be vacating the premises tonight. I sprinkled flour outside the burrow holes to ensure that they have left. Then we'll bury the holes and cover them with cement stepping stones.

This part is a bit of a flashback, but I'll share it with you. I was coming home late on Thursday night and as I pulled up into our driveway, I noticed our trash cans were on the ground. So, I drive up to get our motion light to come on and then backup so my car lights shine on the trashcans. Now, we had some serious wind that day and we had branches and such scattered throughout our yard. Fully aware that "Skunks are nocturnal", I take my steps cautiously towards the cans. I'm prancing around trying not to disturb them. I step on a long branch and it comes up towards my back (like if you were to step on a shovel and have the handle hit you). You guessed it, the leafy part of the branch hit the back of my arm and I SCREAMED, STOMPED AROUND and began to cry, I think I even peed a little. I go running into the house, slam the door and then I realized that I'm 32. Thirty-two years old afraid of a flippin' branch!

I gather myself, change my pants (haha) and moved my car-yes I still had it on. We'll get rid of those skunks one way or another. They're not going to make me a prisoner in my own home. I really feel like I'm going to need so much therapy after this whole ordeal is over.

Say hello to my little friend!

Let's start here. It's Monday evening, I'm making dinner and Jason is talking to me in the kitchen. We are talking about our yard, garden, home improvement plans, etc. He then proceeds to tell me that 'something' has burrowed under our front steps, then stares at me with his eyebrows raised...as if I was the one who secretly was hiding snickers under the porch or something. I look at him very perplexed and say 'what'? He tells me again that some sort of vermin has made it's home comfortably under our stairs just outside our front door and has probably had a herd of babies under our front porch.

I instantly panic thinking the worst...coyotes, raccoons, snakes, foxes. I can hardly sleep that night, I can't stand it! I toss & turn thinking that whatever lurks under our stairs will make it's way to our front door, unlock it and sneak inside our home and into our bed. I'm scared out of my mind. I talk to Jason in great detail about this while he sleeps. I finally fall asleep awaking the next day remembering the panic I must uphold.

I call animal control as soon as I get to work. I tell the woman on the other end of the phone that we have some sort of rodent/vermin/pest living under our front porch. My first instinct was a fox, we have quite a few roaming around our neighborhood. I describe the size of the hole this creature has dug, it's kind of wide, about the opening the size of a cantaloupe. I say 'I think it's a fox' very proudly. She immediately says 'Ma'am that isn't a fox, you have a skunk'. I sigh, swallow hard and say 'really? A skunk'? 'Yes' she says very quickly.

I immediately ask in my most high pitched girly voice 'well what do we do'? Wanting to be held and rocked and not talk about skunks anymore. She proceeds to tell me what to do...

'Ok now you want to get some rags, cut them into strips and tie them into knots the size of tennis balls, then you want to soak them in ammonia, but not lemon scented, that will just lure them in. After that, you put them in a gallon size Ziploc baggie and poke holes in it'. I'm writing everything she says down exactly, thinking how in THE WORLD are we going to do that? 'Ok now, she says you want to get some twine, tie it around the bag and attach the bag and twine to a stake and put it outside each burrow hole but don't stuff it inside, place it just outside the holes'. 'ook ookay I say trying to act like I'm not a complete idiot. She then tells me that the steps I've outlined above should work. She informs me that skunks are nocturnal creatures (obviously) and we need to do this during the day. I tel her that I get off work at 5 and I could do the 'get the hell out from under our porch' ceremony then. 'No no no she says if they see you, skunks stomp first, turn around and spray the green smog on you and you don't want that honey'.

'Oh one last thing she says...be sure to put out some baking flour outside the holes so you can see where the tracks are and how many sets of footprints you see'. I stop her and ask 'why, are we looking for other animals'? 'No she says you're looking to see if she has babies with her because if not, she's probably going to have them under your porch'.

Good Lord! I ask her 'is there any other option'? 'no, because in Colorado she says in a "I am the boss voice" you can't relocate skunks, and if you call one of those companies to get rid of them they charge you $500.00 and they euthanize them'. 'OK' I say. She goes on to say 'and if you live in a neighborhood with kids you don't want them seeing that'. I'm thinking...I don't care if you lure them out with lemon scented ammonia, serve them a gourmet meal and put them on a plane to Acapulco lady...I just want them out from under my house!!!!

So, we're mustering up the courage to battle the skunk...and hopefully she's still knocked up and hasn't had those babies in our dirt yet. Uhhhh it makes me itch with anticipation of coming face to face with that striped little sucker.

Wish us luck, may the skunk be with you (ok not you, but not us either)

Is NASCAR for hillbillies?

I debated even doing this post, only because I talked to Shannon this morning, and I love her so much, did I get this idea. She ABSOLUTELY loves Nascar, please see photos above. She lived with Jason & I last summer and her Nascar secret was unveiled to us. So here it is Shannon, I'm 'outing' your Nascar fettish. I don't envy you, in fact, I think it's kinda cool you have a fascination with watching hot men race. Even though they talk very fast and very Southern, I think it's cool. Race on Shannon, race on. :) I love you!